Sunday, October 13, 2013

Don’t talk about money – AKA, Daydreaming – AKA, what I’m spending my movie deal money on

I don’t have a movie deal. My novel isn’t even published… yet. I’m not delusional. I realize what the chances of becoming the next J. K. Rowling are. 

That said, isn’t it fun to dream big? Wouldn’t it be cool if someday my characters were action figures? Give me my Unraveler lunchbox. My Unraveler jammies. Unraveler Halloween costumes. Man, how cool would that be?

I’m an artist at heart. I would have written this novel (and all my future projects) even if I never had the intention of making a dime off of them. However, I want this to be my business, too.  I want to not only be an artist, but be a moneymaking artist. For me, this is imperative. I don’t really have a choice in the matter, really. 
My pimp ride. I owned a Cadillac once... it was awful. It broke down on me all the time. I do not recommend. 

I HAVE to become a moneymaking artist, because I’m honestly not cut out to do much else. I’m a writer, not by choice, but because every fiber of my being commands me to create. I hope this doesn’t sound as hipster-snoody as it does read aloud, because it’s the most direct way of putting it. I’m an artist because I’m not good at being uncreative.

So, dreaming big. I love to daydream about spending the ba-zillions I’d love to make from my novels.  
If the big check arrived today (you know, when Warner Bros.sends me my movie deal payment ;-) ), I often think about what exactly I would do. It would be very weird to go from poor-as-beans to megarich, right?

The first thing I would do is hire someone to handle my money.

Bam. Make sure I don’t destroy myself or accidentally forget my taxes or something stupid like that. Someone with the nerve to hit me across the head and tell me not to get a underground swimming pool with electronic night-sky and full sized movie screen… ehh..


 The second thing would be to get myself a good web designer.

I would make myself an insanely wonderful website complete with all the bells and whistles of a Rowling site. I suppose a publicist would be a good idea, too. I don’t want to schedule my own book tour after all (if I’m megarich, that is: I’d do it without question now! Hah!).

I would definitely pay to get my looks, health, and image up to perfection.

I could stand to get a good gym membership and a personal trainer. I could also use a good dentist to perfect my teeth (coffee has taken its toll on me). I also need better clothing and new PR photographs. Really, I need better photos of myself now.

I would invest in my book.

I don’t care how well it’s doing on its own. I would DEFINITELY push it harder. If that meant doing some cool publicity events, buying up merch to give away, getting myself a giant Unraveler billboard… anything and everything I could think of to push my book, I would do. I intend to be the busiest man on the planet when my book gets released. I want to be on every talkshow, every radio program. I want to be at all the conventions, every indie bookstore. I’m going to be absolutely crazy about meeting people and getting myself out there. I truly cannot wait for that.

Now, if I were mega-mega rich.

Say, I made 100 million dollars (I’m daydreaming, not being realistic). I would definitely throw half to charity without question. Doctors Without Borders, or one of those that funds water for poor communities. Something like that. Something that I would totally never, ever benefit from personally.

I would also invest in friends and family.

Scratch that, not invest but fund. If I were megarich, I would push money toward the artistic projects of the coolest people I know, regardless of return. That would be so much fun, too. I know some truly amazing artists that deserve more attention than they receive. Wouldn’t it be fun to push them in the way that everyone truly needs (but can’t talk about publicly)? Man, it’d be cool to say, "Here’s 50k, take some time off and create!"

Now, all of this has been good, but… it feels like I’m holding back.

I’m trying to be too “goodie-goodie” with my spending. Charity, family, blah-blah… Surely, I’d spend my daydream money on something ridiculously self-centered, right? Well, other than a personal swimming pool, I think I’d be buying myself a personal arcade. I love video games, especially really, really old ones. I would love to have a classic Pac-Man machine, X-men Arcade Cabinet, Galaga, Donkey Kong… yes. Those kinds of machines would totally be my undoing if I were given infinite monies to spend recklessly.

Well, that was fun to write. I should probably end this by saying… No, I’m not so head-in-the-clouds that I believe that this is going to happen to me. Not trying to be arrogant or egotistical; this is all just-for-fun. Daydreaming is a good motivator to continue dreaming big. As an artist that is going to face a thousand rejections, I have to dream big sometimes to keep myself going.

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