Self-Improvement

Last month I talked about the meaning that buying clothing has had for me. Overcoming the challenges of the last few years of my life has be very difficult, to say the least. But the change has been about focusing on myself for once. Thinking clearly about the things I want, not what other people want or what other people want for me.

took this pic accidentally, lol

Like a camera coming into focus, I'm starting to see myself. When I moved out to Seattle, I didn't do it for me. I loved Seattle when I got there, but moving out had been like a train crashing into the station. It was all so fast, unplanned. I felt like the man was checking tickets and told me I was on the wrong train. The forces were propelling me away from my goal, making me a pillar for others to step on.

So, buying clothing was for me. About 90% of my clothing was bought in the last year. I've tossed so much out, it's crazy. I've been working on my looks as a part of my self-improvement momentum. I have never been an incredibly attractive guy. In some ways, I feel like that was the downfall of my efforts to start a rock band, but I digress. Lately, I've been buying tighter-fitting clothing. I have been using a new teeth-whitening gel (and it's really working! my teeth have really improved!). I've been doing yoga and working out every day for the last few months. I've made beginning efforts to eat healthier again (beginning, but there's way more to go on that). I want to bring my weight down, for health and dating reasons. 

I think the next big step for me is immersing myself into the social world again. I was sort of going through a recluse-socialite-recluse-socialite phase for the past few months, just depending on whether or not any of my friends were in town. Now, I'm feeling like my reclusive period is almost over. I need to get involved in something. Something nerdy, hopefully. I might go join the STL Writer's Guild or something.

Well, that's as update as I've got for this month. The other big thing for me is the fact that I bought an amazing camera, which I blogged about here.

Thanks for reading, caring, etc. I love you, whoever you are. Don't be a stranger. I could use more random conversations in my life, so feel free to message me.

Clothing

First off, I’d like to introduce my new car:

She’s beautiful and blue and as small as a shoe. 2011 Hyundai Accent.

Most of the last month has been car shopping, for me. I went to every dealer under the sun. It’s amazing how similar each salesperson’s pitch is. “I just sold my son a car, four weeks ago.” They like everything you like. They like to change the topic from car buying to things you like. It’s annoying. I guess, as an English major and communications minor, I am prone to see tactics in interpersonal speech and persuasion. They did not work on me. At the last minute, I managed to talk them down another 500 bucks. Party.

I have a car loan, now.

When I was in Seattle, I hoped that soon I’ve never have to deal with paying for car stuff again. I thought I’d be getting rid of the one up there, since the bus system was so good. It’s not so good in Southern Illinois.

Things change. 

I bought a new video game system. The Wii U. I love it. I have been doing yoga on it every day. I’ve been eating vegetables. After I moved back from Seattle to here, I fell off the health wagon. I want to get back on it.

I have a list of things I want: A new hat. A hat specifically for work. HD camera. PS4. Wii Blue Remote. CD case. CD car for car mirror. Burnable CDs. New notebook. New professional artist grade drawing pens. Binders to sort my novel notes. New Dry erase marker holder. Other, more embarrassing, things that I don’t want to list publicly on my blog.

I cross them off my list as I go. I don’t buy the first items I see. I am frugal. I shop around.

I don’t waste money. 

I do not make a ton of money. I am a teacher, after all.

I bought clothes. I haven’t bought clothes for any other reason than work over four years. I have four new polos, three new T-shirts that are only for social occasions. I have twenty-five pairs of new socks. I trashed my old socks. I have two new sets of gym wear. I have four new pairs of shorts. I have new sneakers and new flip-flops. I have thousands of dollars left over in the bank. I pay my bills on time. My list is almost completely crossed off.

Is there a point to me saying all of this? Yes, and it's not to brag. This is, after all, not an insane list. This is normal stuff people need every day. My point, I guess, is that money doesn't make you happy. I am happy, but not because of the fact that I can take stuff home. It's the control. The feeling that there's only one person who sways my destiny, and that's me. I can buy a shirt because I know I am smart enough not to bounce checks. Four+ years and I finally have a new shirt that I can wear to a bar and not look like a dunce. Four+ years and only now is my savings reaching a peak. Things changed for me, and I am happier for it.